Author: thebigsisterinitiative

If you live life long enough, you’ll make mistakes. But if you learn from them, you’ll be a better person. It’s how you handle adversity, not how it affects you. The main thing is never quit, never quit, never quit – William Clinton

One of the things about being human is that we come into the world as a blank canvas. Apart from the natural instincts, many things are learnt and developed. We tend to pick up almost every other thing from our immediate environment, things like friendship, religious beliefs, values, character, reactions, the list goes on.

Interestingly, it seems like there is a lot of emphasis on preventing mistakes or completely ignoring the mistakes and a lot less on how to rise above a mistake, when you make it. While it is good to prevent mistakes and better to learn from other people’s mistakes, the fact remains that, You are human. it is inevitable that at some point in your life especially in your teen years, that you will make a bad call, this could vary from keeping a grudge, pulling an offensive prank, making a mean comment, or mixing with the wrong crowd.

Realise that your mistakes and failures are gifts, gems, guideposts in your learning and growth as a person. Take the necessary corrections and looks at ways to redeem the situation where you can. It is never easy to admit you’ve made a mistake, but it’s a crucial step in learning, growing, and improving yourself.

There are quite a number of lessons to learn from mistakes made. You learn about intergrity, taking on responsibility and taking on feedback. The feedback we get from our mistakes can be the most specific, and powerful feedback we’ll ever get. Many times we can trace mistakes to recurring patterns of belief or behavior—things we do, say, and think over and over again. When we spot and change a habit we may find that other areas of our lives change for the better. One way to gain maximum benefit from mistakes is to examine them through asking ourselves some questions: “How can I use this experience?”; “What will I do differently next time?

Admitting the truth increases our capacity to change. It is like holding up a mirror to ourselves and really seeing, this allows us concentrate on learning and growing.

Personally, one interesting lesson I have learnt over the years from making mistakes is that it teaches us to clarify what we really want and how we want to live. Remember that, while, You can’t change mistakes, but you can choose how to respond to them.

P.S: I know this is not the typical easy posts, but I recall being a teenager and realizing whenever I had made a mistake or mistakes, my typical reaction would be to deflect, ignore or simply wish it away. Now I know better and I will love that you learn from this as well.

Have a beautiful summer Holiday

Lots of Love

I recently had a wakeup call.

It came early this week while trying to resolve a dispute between two of my dearest friends. I had asked them both to narrate their experiences, one of them felt the other was too slow and lazy in getting results, the other person felt the attacker was disrespectful and not considerate enough in interactions, hence didn’t see the point in wasting relevant time with her. Well, since they are both my dear friends, I knew they were very far from the truth. One has a very dominant personality, an A-typical go-getter but had the sweetest heart, while the other was a lot more introverted with a homey personality and quite hardworking. After a lengthy chit-chat, we reached a middle ground.

How did we resolve it, you might ask? The magic was the word “Kindness”. They both agreed to consciously take steps in improving the relationship by being a lot more tolerant with themselves.

Today, the message is simple, be kind to people. It is not a coincidence that we had earlier talked about random acts of kindness. A brief definition of kindness is the ability to be friendly, generous, and considerate. Life has its way of being rough at certain phases. Your awesome week might be the next person’s crappy phase. I know the buzz word in recent times pushes views like “I’m all about my money/the hustle” this corrodes the message of kindness.

However, consciously try to improve your life by reengaging with people.  They in turn might be your next friend, or a support system and even if they don’t, just be kind to people because it is liberating for you. How can you show kindness you might ask? A question as simple as, “Can I help you” will go a long way in helping the next person feel welcome. Ever feel like the next person is super slow and not as cool as you would like? Why not switch things up by putting yourself in the persons shoes. It might help you to be kinder in your future interactions. Where someone has hurt you, try to actively forgive and forget, rather than rehashing what was said or why the person hurt you. Also, focus on self-improvement; Everyone has their own kind of fears and insecurities and we often hide behind it by judging others. Why not channel that drive to improving on your flaws. It is in being available for others through kindness, that we make ourselves available to be channels of blessings.

At the end of the day, can we all get along? I bet we can.

Hey guys, hope you had an eventful Easter celebration and a fun weekend?

Please, who else has noticed the increasing number of posts and advices that seem to have bombarded social media. It seems like everyone with a phone simply picks a random thought and turns it “gems/words of advice”. This brings us to the topic for today, “Counsel”.

Counsel can be gotten from a number of sources – Parents, Mentors, Role Models, Siblings, Friends etc. Infact, I am a big advocate of taking counsel, because I believe that some experiences shouldn’t be dealt with personally, we can learn from other peoples experiences. I also believe Proverb 12:15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel. I want to believe that a number of us have that one person or a number of people that can do no wrong in our eyes and we almost yield to their advice blindly without stopping to think it through – If you fall into this category, Yes, it’s not entirely a bad thing, it simply means you have decided to trust without reservations or doubts.

Growing up, I had tons of people around me, especially in secondary school they came in form of ‘School Mothers’ (If you went to a boarding house, you are definitely familiar with this term) I loved every bit of having a senior care for me, get people to fetch my bathing water, extra food and every benefit that comes with it and oh yes I had to pay the price (nothing goes for nothing) and guess what I had to do in return – Keep malice with their enemies, do all their biddings even when my moral values were on the line but trust me, at the time, I couldn’t see beyond my nose so everything seemed right to me as long as my school mother had given her nod of approval.

Getting into the university – I had it worse, they came in form of friends and I had different clusters (The crew ranged from the fashionistas, the party rockers, the relationship advisers, hook-up masters, the library group and the gossip association , this is a short list, trust me) I was always drawn into one of this groups at one point or the other – did it shape my reality and way of life – ABSOLUTELY and you know the intriguing part, I became the master of none. I became so confused about life because the knowledge and almost every thought I had in my head was planted, they weren’t mine, my perspective was crafted, my definition of life meaningless and I was just another naive girl that jumped on a ship amidst confused people to an unknown destination.

Something had to give, I woke up to reality firstly, by defining my relationship with everyone that came my way- both young and old. I stopped seeking approval and validation for my every passing decisions and actions, I started looking out for myself and identifying toxic relationships, relationships with no substantial value became meaningless, stopped looking for friends – I started looking for companions that shared same vision, I started yearning for new energy that can push me and elevate me closer to my goals each day and with every conversation, and most importantly, I developed a better relationship with God. Guess what, my world suddenly changed, my supposed friends started calling me names – arrogant, selfish, ungrateful, etc because ‘The New Me’ was strange to them instead of getting upset about the name calling, I only wished their eyes were open and that they understood my new perspective, until eventually, I was okay with them not understanding the new me.

I started to filter, manage my circle of friends (Young & Old) that I decided to keep, the ones I wasn’t wary of their counsel, the ones that shine light on my path and have made my growth, progress and well-being theirs, the ones that criticise me so that I can strive for heights that are even above them with no iota of jealousy. I simply decided to take on wise, positive counsel and let go of the dodgy,non-consistent advices. I found myself amongst people that help me learn, the ones that teach and remind me to believe in my own magic, My cheerleaders, My advocates – Those are the ones worth keeping around.

Any relationship short of these qualities in my opinion is not worth keeping or brooding over when you lose them – Not everyone you meet on this journey called life can match your energy. Never underestimate the power of the right counsel or circle as there is no limit to your achievements and finding your true SELF.

Do yourself a favour today, be conscious of the counsel you receive.

Lots of Love

Eniola

I am a strong believer that Iron sharpens Iron and that one man sharpens another. This is one of the reasons why I guard my inner circle fiercely. I call them my support system and it is made up of some family members and a group of friends that over the years have been relentlessly supportive and loyal both when I deserved it and when I didn’t, and I will like to think that they feel the same way about me.

There are some days that I am in no mood to be productive or I feel bummed out about an issue, I find out that after talking to God and then having a subsequent conversation with anyone in my support system makes a world of difference, I automatically feel a lot better.

I once read that, the next best Thing to being wise is to be in the circle of those who are. What this means is that You are simply a reflection of those who are in your circle. Guard your heart fiercely, also guard the energy you allow based on the people who come around you.

I hope this helps you during the course of your week.

Have a pleasant day

Looking back on my journey to becoming a woman, there are certainly a million and one things I wish I did differently.

I wish I realized at an early stage, how much beauty radiates from within me without necessarily seeking validation from my peers, family members or even society and this is simply because I have come to realize God made all things beautiful in his likeness and most importantly because my beauty isn’t physical.

During my teen years, all I wanted was to be referred to as, was ‘cool’ . I wanted to sit with the cool girls, wear the trendy things (Spaghetti tops, miniskirts, lycras, short knickers , jumpers, paint my face in the weirdest ways), get the attention of the coolest boys especially my crush *wink and yes I was indeed part of the cool club and trust me, at that time I felt like I was on top of the world. My mum’s advices were beginning to fall on deaf ears, my focus had shifted from academic stuff to the ‘cool stuff’, I started missing classes, fellowships, began sneaking to house parties and boom I was a fast-rising cool girl. However, one thing struck – The not so cool girls were loved by the people I resented (Teachers, Principal, cool boys, even some of my cool friends were still struggling for space in their circle, which got me curious.

Dear Young Me, as you grow in life, you will come to realise the things that matter and the things that set you apart are values, attributes, and traits and not the social reputation the world expects you to project or the ‘Cool Stuff’. In confusion – seek clarity, in adversity – persevere and above all – define your value and standards which should not be compromised to keep friends and if you ever feel like you are in a position where you should compromise good traits to keep your friends, then it might be time to make new ones. I can assure you that I barely have a relationship with my “cool gang” from my teenage years now but over the years, I have nurtured and grown incredible friendships with the then “not so cool girls”.

Integrity, consistence and truth will take you so far in life and will attract all things titled good to you and will make you shine like a bright diamond. Yes, there will be doubts, there will be peer pressure, but you have to master the act of self-discipline in order not to be derailed from your vision, goals or aspirations.

You’d rather be cool in an air-conditioned office with a directorate title or even own the business of your dreams in your later years than be cool in your youthful days and live the rest of your life filled with regrets. There is so much life has to offer – The good, The bad & The Ugly! The choice is entirely up to you. Make every day of the rest of your growing life count.

Love always ,

Eniola

Today, we take a moment to celebrate  women. We celebrate the contributions and drive towards the advancement of positive development. The world has indeed become a better place with Women actively bringing their quota to the table.

It is celebrated by the United Nations, technical agencies, other bodies and individuals across the world that seek to promote the participation of women as equal partners with men in achieving sustainable development, peace, security, and full respect for human rights.

The role of a woman in a society cannot be de-emphasized and it is common knowledge that training a woman is synonymous to training a society. It is therefore paramount that we all take a conscious effort to remain committed to helping women and girls achieve their ambitions; challenge conscious and unconscious bias; call for gender-balanced leadership; value women and men’s contributions equally; and create inclusive flexible cultures.

How can you join the celebrations? Say thank you to a woman around you today. It will mean a lot to her.

Lots of Love,

Nkiru

*images gotten from Google*

I don’t think that there will be enough articles and talks to exhaust the issues that arise from bullying. As statistics have shown that while over 3.2 million students are victims of bullying each year, Approximately 160,000 teens skip school every day because of bullying.

What this means is that there are quite a number of teenagers dealing with repeated intimidation, and it is safe to say that some victims of emotional bullying are unaware that they are victims.

Dear Girl, If you have ever felt a repeated, aggressive behavior intended to hurt you, physically, mentally or emotionally? You might have been a victim of bullying.

Bullying can happen, at school, in the halls, at lunch, or in the bathroom, when teachers are not there to see what is going on. When adults are not watching, on your way to or from school, on the playground, or even in the neighborhood. It could also be through social media platforms eg twitter, facebook, Instagram: through a post or a comment, e-mail or instant messaging—rumors are spread or nasty notes are sent and it usually happens when other people are watching.

Bullying can be categorized into:

• –Emotional– Bullying at this stage is not overt and can continue for a long time without being noticed.
• –Physical– Bullying that hurts someone’s body or damages their possessions. Stealing, shoving, hitting, fighting, and destroying property all fall into this category.
• –Verbal– This is the most common form of bullying. This is any bullying that is conducted by speaking. Calling names, spreading rumors, threatening somebody, and making fun of others are all forms of verbal bullying.
• –Cyberbullying– Cyberbullying is bullying that takes place using electronic technology. Examples of cyberbullying include mean text messages or emails, rumors sent by email or posted on social networking sites, and embarrassing pictures, videos, websites, or fake profiles.

And one thing all these have in common is the use of intimidation.

How can you deal with bullies/bullying:

You need to develop confidence, do not  take the option of being a victim:

• Look the bully in the eye.
• Stand tall and stay calm in a difficult situation. 
• Walk away.
• Make friends with other children or join school activity clubs
• Ask for help from other school officials or adults

Also learn how to firmly express yourself:

• “I don’t like what you are doing.” 
• “Please do NOT talk to me like that.” 
•  “Why would you say that?”

And where you are not a victim of bullying, make sure that you are not part of the problem or contributing to it.

And where you are the bully who derives joy from intimidating and putting other people down, now is a good time to amend your ways. Bullying hurts people, you never really know what another person is going through, do not be the reason for another’s sadness. Learn to treat others with respect especially as life has an interesting way of springing surprises. The person you bully and intimidate today might be responsible for a life changing decision some years down the line. You can convert that energy into joining school clubs like the drama unit, literary and debating society amongst others and basically improving your skills.

If you connect with this message and want to talk to an adult on this issue. Kindly send us a message on our social media pages. We will love to talk to you soon.

Pictures: http://www.google.com

Lots of Love,

Nkiru

Hello Everyone!

How’s your week going?  For the next few weeks, we will be introducing some buzz words. It simply means a word or catch phrase that passes across a positive message.

We will be starting this conversation with the word “Kindness“

The Dictionary defines Kindness as the act of being friendly, generous and considerate. A second definition is a kind act.

I believe kindness means a lot of things, amongst which are mindfulness, compassion, appreciation, thoughtfulness etc. I will define Kindness as doing nice things for people not because they deserve it but because you want to. I believe that if we are not acting in a way that is kind to ourselves, we will not be acting in a way that is kind to others. And the reason is simple, you cannot give what you do not have.

Random acts of Kindness can be shown in many ways. From being there for a sick friend, to helping an elderly person to a seat, helping out with chores at home without being asked, making a helpful introduction, helping out someone who is stranded, Telling someone the truth( Sometimes it’s really hard, but it’s what friends do), help put a smile on a person’s face.

There is a quote I love, Be kind, For everyone you meet is fighting a battle.

Dear One, life will throw a couple of curveballs at you. I wish I could tell you that everything will be rosy and that nothing disappointing or sad will ever happen to you, but that will be a lie. The message today is that regardless of what you might be going through, make a conscious effort in your mind to show some love by random acts of kindness to other people.

Don’t forget,  kindness starts with you.  And as long as we are being kind to ourselves, we are coming from a place where we can show true kindness to others.

Have a pleasant rest of the week ahead guys.

 Love,

Nkiru

*Images from Google

Looking back in time, If there was anything I’d tell my 15year old self , it would be to trust the process.

I remember being so fascinated with the idea of creating stuff, building something out of nothing, writing short stories and doing everything creative. I recall a particular time when my best friend and I had this idea to start a “juice” making business that just wasn’t like the typical stuff you would see in stores or across the counter. I also remember when we had a concept of opening a poetry and art store simply because we thought the regular birthday cards were too boring. We loved the idea of putting messages on household items like rugs, throw pillows, puffs etc. So what did we do about it? We actually started our businesses and guess what, initially we got the rush and excitement, midway, we just let it go, the stress had gotten to us. In retrospect, I realize that the idea we had for our juice business is now the popular “smoothies” and the idea of the poetry and art store is now a fast selling pillow franchise.

What is my point?

Anyone can have a brilliant idea. Regardless of the age or the environment, great ideas can always be formed. What is more important than having a great idea is the execution of the idea.   Don’t give room to fear or second guessing those concepts that come to your mind. Start anyway. Start developing how you will convert that creative energy to something meaningful to yourself and ultimately to a third party. You will require a ton of confidence and a high dose of self-esteem because during the journey of converting those ideas to value, you will face a bout of setbacks and challenges, but be resilient.

My advise?

Persevere.

Do not think you are too young to do something remarkable. And just in case you feel that you are still too young to start something, I took the liberty of researching on some interesting young people, one of them is Savannah Britt who is the Youngest Magazine Publisher. At 15years Savannah started her own publication – a magazine called Girlpez – making her the youngest magazine publisher in the world. The magazine features coverage of events, like concerts and fashion shows, and Mark Bao, 17. Mark is a 17-year-old high school senior and he has already launched 11 web-based companies (and sold three of them) along with three non-profit foundations. Some of his projects include TickrTalk, the Ramamia Foundation, Classleaf, and Avecora – a technology network launching sometime in 2013.

In conclusion, To trust the process, wholly, completely, is to not need to know what is unfolding or why, but to simply be there in the present to experience it. Learn from it and improve on it. There are ideas all over the place and the interesting part is that there is no age limit to start expressing those ideas and converting them to financial values for you.

Hey guys, hope you had a pleasant weekend?   From us at The Big Sister Initiative, we sure had a fun, interactive and educative time with the students of the E&R foundation. The event held at the Lagos State Arbitration Centre, Lekki and we went there with a goal in mind – Encourage the participants to create a positive self-confident brand for themselves.

 We started the session with the Tissue Game, See video below:

Then we proceeded to our Hot topics. The participants were super excited. The topics were split in two: Career Development and Relationships.

On Career Development, we established that Career can be described as an occupation undertaken for a significant period of a person’s life and with opportunities for progress. The participants were encouraged to discover their natural interests, start volunteering, Internship and improving on their skills. We explored the concept of Brain work and encouraged the participants to start reading while setting goals for themselves such as Learning a new word each week and  building their resume.

On Relationships, the participants were encouraged to see relationships as the way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected. This includes interactions with teachers, guardians, friends, siblings, parents etc. The keys to healthy relationships are respect, honesty, trust, equality, and good communication. We highlighted the importance of boundaries and advised the participants to talk with a trusted parent/guardian/TBSI about your relationships where they feel uncomfortable/ threatened.

We rounded off the Hot Topics by highlighting role models we believe can positively inspire our participants: Tara Fela-Durotoye, Ibukun Awosika, Shonda Rhimes, Malala Yousifazi, Maya Angelou, Oprah Winfrey, Arunma Oteh, Zuriel Oluwole, Deola Sagoe, Mo Abudu, Bolanle Austen-Peters amongst others.

The kids sure had a lovely time with us and we are ever thankful for the opportunity.